Part of being human means there will be times when we will stop and re-evaluate our life and choices. It’s like standing at a fork in the road. If you are a person that seeks to connect with others and the world, you might feel overwhelmed at times. Asking yourself during a crisis or loss of a loved one, “Why do I feel so emotionally weak?” Even the strongest person who appears to handle every life event positively can stop in their tracks. Feeling overwhelming emotions can make the most complex person think or feel that they are so emotionally weak. So, I would like to unpack emotions today. I want to support you in understanding yourself better or the people around you. Because I have been around people that never cry, and after communicating with me and connecting, that person can be in tears. And I have been in tears as well when I hear their stories. How is this possible? The best explanation is when a person has been stuck in the lower vibration emotions such as guilt, shame, humiliation, hopelessness, or despair, communicating with someone that makes you feel heard, safe, secure, seen, validated, without judgment, and shows compassion, the walls can come down, and the waterworks break lose. So many times when people share their deep dark secrets that even their spouse or best friends have heard the skeleton stories in the closet, there is always hesitation. Hesitation on how your story will be perceived. Will the person you are confiding in not judge you? Allowing yourself to become vulnerable can make anyone stop and ask, “Why do I feel so emotionally weak?” Being vulnerable is like gambling. A person doesn’t know how they will be perceived or how the other person will respond or react. You can also feel so emotionally weak because you care too much; your heart is full of compassion, love, understanding, wisdom, and mercy. And then there is the empath who feels everything, which is another can of worms to unpack on a different post in the future.
Why do I feel emotionally unstable?
Over the past 20 years, I have seen various people ride the emotional roller coaster of emotions. The majority of the time, a large percentage of the population will think or feel emotionally unstable when facing these life events. It’s is shock value that makes us feel emotional unstable.
- Death of a family member, friend, celebrity, or pet
- Extreme work conflicts or unhealthy work environment
- Family drama or crisis
- Religious expectations or demands (black and white thinking/conditions)
- Meeting someone new that you find extremely attractive
- Meeting a famous person that you admire
- Buying a house and moving
- War and natural disasters
- Developing PTSD
- Raising a child (Raising a child with special needs or health concerns)
- Traumatic events (car accident, domestic violence, hospitalization)
- Divorce and legal battles
- Being bullied and abused
- Starting a new job, school, or major move to another state or country
- Reviewing poor life choices
- Public speaking
- Lack of sleep or poor sleeping patterns/habits
- Puberty, hormones or illnesses
- Overwhelmed with life in general
- Diet and health
- Filing bankruptcy or extreme debt
- Addictive behaviors that are destructive (gambling, drugs, sex, porn, alcohol, shopaholic)
- Unrealistic expectations placed upon an individual
Why do I get emotional so easily?
As you can see from the list above, life is full of ups and downs. Managing one’s emotions and having an emotional regulation routine is critical. Why? When life feels like a roller coaster ride, one must wear a seat belt to keep safe. Nobody wants to get hurt. One must know when to stop, let the engine cool down, check the oil, and grease the gears. Unfortunately, only a few people do this. Instead, they jump on the roller coaster and take off. Therefore, those individuals might need to pay more attention to the warning signs or read the instruction manual. But let’s be transparent here. The majority of us were not taught in school about emotions, why self-care is critical for our overall well-being, or what is an emotional regulation routine. Therefore, it is the blind leading the blind. And when the blind lead the blind, people get hurt. They will learn from those mistakes, but the injury could have been avoided.
Why do I feel emotionally unstable?
Many people need to prepare or have a backup plan in place to keep the roller coaster operating for several years. Why do you think employers give their employees paid breaks, lunch, sick days, and vacation? The answer is we all need to stop and give ourselves some TLC (tender loving care). But how many people actually take those two daily paid 15-minute breaks, the one hour lunch break, or sick day? When a person does not stop and take that self-care emotional regulation break, they can easily discover how they become emotionally overwhelmed as the roller coaster slips off the tracks. When this happens, there is fear of the unknown and the belief that you got this, but you didn’t. The problem is the pressure builds; we push our bodies, minds, and emotions to the edge of the roller coaster drop. And if one has been running at high speed for days, weeks, or even months, one can expect the roller coaster ride to break down or malfunction.
Why do I feel emotionally drained?
Our emotions are messengers, telling us to slow down and take a break. Some of us listen to the emotional messengers, and others ignore it. One can get stuck in the mindset that they still got this when they don’t because they can find themselves caught in a loop-de-loop roller coaster ride. They are just spinning in circles and making no progress. And the more one fights it, the harder it gets to stop and listen to one’s body, mind, and emotions. One becomes so emotionally drained and depleted that soon, there is no more power or willpower to keep the roller coaster ride active. Eventually, there can be a total shutdown, which could be shut down for a more extended period of expected time.
Why do I get emotional so easily?
When someone is prepared and knows how to pace themselves, the roller coaster ride can be less scary. And when the rider does experience some difficulty, that person knows they have on their seat belt. They can relax and take a break because it is more about the journey than the destination. Your whole perspective and outlook upon your situation can stiff from negative into neutrality. For example, there can be moments when you can laugh at yourself, instead of breaking down in tears feeling sorry for yourself. When you take a sharp turn, one might be able to see the brighter side of life, and realize the ride is only a temporary set back instead of an epic fail. Because everything in life is temporary. Being able to do an emotional and mental check-in daily can support someone when they realize that they get emotional so easily.
It is all about self-care, and life is about the pace, rhythm, and approach. Our position of power is in the now and the choices we make. Do we react, or do we respond? Or do you fall to pieces on the floor and give up? I have stopped many times along my life journey and asked the same question, “Why do I get emotional so easily?” I learned that I get so emotional quickly because I do not have a perfect support system. My parents were not very supportive, which sometimes made me feel isolated and alone. Some of my friends were supportive, but at times I did not want to burden them with my life burdens. Therefore, I took it all upon myself to fix the problems. I became very independent at a young age. I wish it weren’t, but this approach can be scary and create anxiety. Again, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, self-judgment, self-criticism, perfectionism, and lack of support can overwhelm anyone.
Afraid of one’s emotions
Let’s remember the messages society and the world feed into the minds of men. Imagine all the pressure, responsibilities, demands, requirements, and what it means to be a man. It can be like a pressure cooker, and one can get burned by the steam release. Men are taught to stuff down their emotions, don’t share their feelings, and being vulnerable is a weakness. No wonder why men commit more crimes, domestic violence, bullying, and war. Being a man is hard. I am not a man, but I get it. I grew up with four brothers and no sisters. Most of my friends are men because I can relate to them better. I never understood why young girls and women would manipulate a man by pretending they were the weaker sex. I was the exact opposite. It would be best if you needed a tire changed, a tune-up on your car, your house painted, or yard work, I was that girl growing up. I wouldn’t say I liked seeing and hearing how the men around me struggled with life and women. That is why the gravitated towards me. I let them be seen and heard. I gave them a voice and did not silence it with shame. Therefore, when a young boy or teenager struggles with their emotions and sheds a tear, the messages they hear are…
- Suck it up.
- Man up.
- Only babies cry.
- Stop embarrassing yourself.
- Walk it off and leave me alone.
- Your an embarrassment when you cry like a little girl.
- I can’t be around you when you get so emotional.
- Grow up. You don’t see me crying like a baby.
- Your father would be rolling over in his grave if he saw you crying like this.
- I don’t want to hear about your feelings.
Why do I feel so emotionally weak?
The problem with repressed emotions is those emotions will eventually resurface and when it does, all hell can break loose. One can go into a rage and another can drop down into despair. That person does not have a very good support system or anyone who would be willing to just sit with them and listen. That man has to suck it up, put on a happy face, and pretend that everything is FINE when it is NOT! This man is learning to lie to appease others. People pleasing is a strategy that kept that man safe in his childhood, but will wreak havoc in his adult life. That is my quote.
Teaching men to be vulnerable
We cannot change how we were parented, but we can teach men to be vulnerable. Parents can teach their sons to communicate their thoughts, feelings, and emotions in a safe and loving space because men are taught that being vulnerable is a weakness. On the contrary, being vulnerable is a strength. It’s a strength because is about connection. We are born to connect with ourselves and others. It feels amazing when we connect with nature, the ocean, and animals. Connecting with another person on a mental and emotional level feels magical, even spiritual. That person feels seen and heard. So, please give young men a voice and let them be heard. The key is creating a safe space for self-awareness, compassion, and willingness to listen without harsh feedback. And there are times when that person needs someone to listen, so they can vent their frustrations and solve their problems. Men need our support because the roles society places upon them are too rigid, harsh, uncaring, and insensitive. If we cannot allow ourselves to become vulnerable with our feelings, we cannot teach a man to be vulnerable. We as a society need to shift our perspective in leading men to be vulnerable by being the living example of being our authentic, vulnerable selves.
Why is being a single parent so hard?
Being a single parent is a perfect example of why I feel so emotionally weak. One of my best friends is a single parent, and she is in awe at how I did it. It is the most challenging job anyone will endure. Because there are moments when you feel dead inside, emotionally drained, worried, scared, sick, and physically exhausted, BUT you keep going. Your child needs you. So, you pick yourself up by the bootstraps, put a smile on your face and voice, and care for your child’s needs. But, when you are neglectful, absent, shameful parenting, or overly strict, you risk damaging your child’s emotional and mental development, social skills, and how that child perceives the world and others. That child could become narcissistic or struggle with mental health issues because that child was not shown empathy growing up by their primary caregiver(s).
Why do I feel emotionally numb?
When someone has been ignoring the warning signs and runs themselves off the roller coaster track, they might feel emotionally numb. This is because the body experiences an overload of emotions and wants to shut down. Another way someone might feel emotionally numb is to feel again can be scary and painful. One might shut down to avoid shame, guilt, self-loathing, and disappointment. But, that person is drowning inside with emotions. One can feel fragile, vulnerable, weak, stressed, depressed, and anxious. Again, all these emotions are messengers from the body telling that person to take a break or vacation.
Solutions for feeling emotionally weak
Like all my blog posts and podcasts, I like to give solutions instead of just speaking my mind. Some of these suggestions you might agree with, and others might take time to grow on you. Here is my list of seventeen solutions for feeling emotionally weak.
- Practice being vulnerable with someone you trust, feel safe communicating and expressing your feelings with, and know that what you will share will not be judged or held against you. Seek support outside your network if you do not have anyone within your inner circle or family. Support can be a support group, speaking to a therapist, a life coach, or mental health support hotline. Whatever you do, do not call a psychic. I have had too many clients cling to the psychic’s kindness while they drain that person of hundreds and thousands of dollars month after month. I am not joking here either. It very sad because these people then come to me to stop their psychic phone line addiction.
- Learn to sit with the feelings of being fragile and weak. If you need to cry, cry. Don’t fight against it or mentally beat yourself up. Instead, realize that there is a hidden message or diamond within those emotions. Quietly ask yourself exploratory questions, and if you want, write down the answers and solutions within a journal. Depending upon your situation, you can ask yourself these questions.
- Are you giving too much of yourself to someone that makes you feel weak, fragile, or insignificant? If so, why? Are you using force to win them over or are you staying in your place of power. Refer to the map of emotions/map of consciousness.
- Is your emotional and mental cup dry? If yes, what can you do to fill it back up again?
- Write down what is making you feel so emotionally fragile or weak? Is it an internal conflict like self-doubt, self-sabotage, or is it external like a person or outside situations. Can you find three solutions that will make you feel better about yourself or your situation?
- If you are stuck in the blame game, please realize that blame doesn’t fix anything. We all play a part and accepting responsibility for the role is essential. If you were the victim, what did you let slide? What boundaries did you allow to be overstepped? How did this person push you over the edge if you were the villain? Was it reactive abuse? Was it financial abuse? When you get your answer, could you sit with it? Please don’t worry about it. Then find a solution that is healthy for everyone that does involve manipulation or mental/emotional abuse. Please feel free to refer to the post on how to communicate with difficult people or how to communicate with someone based on their attachment style.
- Do you need to make a career change and have you been fighting the inevitable because you will never get along with your verbally abusive boss?
- Herbal solutions. There are some herbal solutions that my clients have used over the past 20 years. The list of herbal solutions can be long, but I will only share three. For my clients that enjoy drinking alcohol and want to cut back or quit, I recommend Tension Tamer Tea by Celestial Seasons. Clients have drank it hot or cold. It takes the edge off as if you are drinking a glass of wine or a beer. Then there is Skullcap tea or capsules. I had a neighbor that pulled his back and was in a lot of pain. I have him some of the Skullcap tea leaves, and he was amazed at how it relaxed his muscles. Like any herb or over-the-counter medication, use it in moderation. Then there is Lemon Balm, which helps reduce and relax the body and mind.
- Practice getting adequate sleep. Plan to go to bed early at least once or twice a week. You can also plan to sleep in on the weekend or ask your partner for a break with the kids so you can get some needs sleep.
- We all know the benefits of exercise. In the past, when I felt frustration or irritation, I would exercise. Many people stop listening when the word exercise is presented as a healthy solution to regulate their emotions. So, I would like to make one thing clear. Emotions mean energy in motion. When things stop flowing and the water within us stagnates, it creates dis-ease. The energy gets trapped within the body, and the body does keep score. The stress keeps building and building because it is not being addressed or released. Therefore, another word must be associated with getting someone off the floor and into motion. It could be as simple as walking on your 15-minute break or at lunch. It could be dancing, yard work, dog walking, or window shopping. One is getting exercise, but it’s no longer a negative suggestion.
- Connect and bond with your friends, family member, nature, or pet. You can watch cute animal videos or something that makes you laugh to shift your mood.
- Play a video game, go surfing, garden, cook a delicious meal, take a hot bath, or gaze at the stars.
- Invite your friends or family members over for a dinner party, game night, or barbeque. Spending time with people you care about can help ease that emotional tension.
- Listen to something calming on your drive home from work and remind yourself, “Not my circus, not my monkey.” You can listen to a mini-meditation on your phone or tablet during your break or lunch at work.
- Make self-care a priority by doing something good for yourself daily or weekly. It can be something small or big. Just do it in a manner that is not depleting your bank account, feed an addiction (food, sex, drug, alcohol), and make you fat.
- Discover your authentic self. What makes your heart sing? What do you need to do or change to feel empowered on a regular basis?
- Slow down and enjoy life. Your body, mind, spirit, and emotions need a break. Take a vacation or plan a vacation. It can be a weekend getaway. You can take a trip to the beach or take a hike in the mountains. It can be as small as one sleepover or a few weeks. Having something planned shortly can support reducing the emotional stress and pressure.
- Take some quiet time for yourself. Raising kids is challenging. Hire a babysitter or ask a friend to watch your kiddo so you can get a break. You can take yourself to the movies or just relax on a blanket under a tree, while you read a book. A little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing.
- If you are single, stop treating people like they are disposable. Most dating apps are superficial or can create more stress and anxiety. Try seeking more mental and emotional connections first, instead of the physicals. Because it sucks when you only have the physical connection, but you have nothing in common with a person.
- You could write down your emotional triggers and find healthy solutions. You are finding ways to re-direct yourself during the perfect storm outside.
- I believe in the power of prayer. If you do as well, great. If not, it doesn’t hurt to try. You can pray to whatever makes you feel comfortable like a grandmother or friend that has passed. Your prayers don’t always have to be religious in nature. Praying is a spiritual act, reading the Bible is religion.
- Lastly, focus on being the predominate creative force of your life. Practice mindfulness first thing in the morning. How do you want to feel today and say it as if you have it NOW, in the present tense. For example, I would say the following. “I am living a life that I love. I am healthy, happy, successful, and my heart is full of joy. Today, something wonderful is going to unfold. It could be something big or something small. Either way, I know the Universe will delight me and bring a smile to my face. Thank you.” You could visualize what you want to manifest and create. Just be realistic and leave your ego outside. What does your heart desire?
Empathy is a weakness
I was on the fence about addressing why some people believe empathy is a weakness. In my world, empathy is a strength. It is my superpower. We all need empathy because nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone feels guilt or shame. When we lack empathy, we lack a vital connection with life and everything around us. Without empathy, a person can feel dead inside. When someone feel dead inside, they are no longer living. One is just existing and just waiting to die. I want you to live and enjoy life. Without empathy and connection, one can feel lonely, isolated, unworthy, broken, and angry. Empathy is a weakness when one allows another person to take advantage of another by disconnecting them. Disconnection includes reactive abuse, verbal assaults, gaslighting, projecting, manipulation, bullying, stonewalling, and all those other unhealthy narcissistic behaviors. Know your worth and set healthy boundaries with human energy vampires. Your empathy is a gift to humanity, not the soul suckers.
Why do I feel so emotionally weak?
I hope you have enjoyed this blog post about, “Why do I feel so emotionally weak?” Just remember that whatever you are facing is only temporary. You have the option to respond in a healthy calm manner or to react. Take care!