The Undetected Narcissist - Written by Angela Myer

The Undetected Narcissist Book:

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Why did I, Angela Myer, write the book, The Undetected Narcissist?

I have always been curious about human nature and what makes us tick. I have worked with people all over the globe. People with different beliefs, backgrounds, religions, professions, family issues, and traumas. In writing this book, I started to change. I first was in a place of anger like most victims. Then as the anger melted away and my heart opened, I was able to see things much more clearly. I started to put the puzzle pieces together when it comes to childhood trauma, domestic violence, narcissisms, and how we treat one another.

Therefore, I wrote this book to shine my light out into the world. For I was in the dark like many other people. I had to heal my wounds and pick myself back up. When I realized, our story is happening to others around the world, I felt this strong urge to write this book. I needed to share our story to spare millions of children and families from abuse, trauma, and pain.

Like many other victims, I went on a quest to learn more about narcissistic traits and behaviors. I sadly discovered that it appeared many websites and blog posts were not coming from a place of love, compassion, understanding, and forgiveness, but from a place of anger, hate, and victimization. If you truly want to heal and discover your authentic self, you must come from a place of LOVE!

Victims of narcissistic abuse have been led down the path of being afraid because FEAR has been their teacher. I want to take a different approach. I want LOVE to be your teacher. Fear is all about force and the energy/vibration of fear is weak. If you Google images of “Clinically Proven Map of Consciousness”, you will see that the energy levels below 200 are false, lack integrity, and do not support life. Energy levels above 200 have truth, Integrity, and support life.

The Undetected Narcissist is designed to shine light into those dark places of confusion, victimization, and crazy drama. My intention is to lift you up. If you are struggling with a narcissistic person, let me take your hand. Let me guide you back home and give you the strength to speak your truth, set healthy boundaries, educate yourself, and see through all the crazy drama. I want to empower you and have your inner light shine brightly again. Then you can shine your light out into the world, creating a wave of change.

Along my journey in writing this book, I became curious about how a person becomes narcissistic because they are not born that way. The narcissistic person was either abused, raised in an unhealthy environment, neglected, the parenting style was rigid and controlling, and/or did not receive the empathy they needed from their caregivers. If you are taught or shown empathy as child, you will most like not have empathy as an adult. A child is a sponge. A child is fed information and beliefs that shapes his or her life. It creates a filter for how they view the world when they become an adult. And what if that child or young adult was taught to believe that it is bad to have empathy. What if they were conditioned to see, think, or feel that empathy was a weakness, instead of a strength.

Young boys can be overwhelmed with mixed messages about what it means to be a MAN. Here are a few examples:

• Do not be such a cry baby.
• Stop being so whinny.
• You need to learn the art and essence of keeping your mouth shut.
• Children are meant to be seen, not heard.
• Your opinion does not matter to me.
• Suck it up, be a man.
• Men don’t cry.
• Walk it off, you’re an embarrassment.
• You cry more than your younger sister.
• Crying is a sign of weakness.
• I don’t care what you have to say, I am the adult.
• I don’t care how you feel, I am the boss.
• To be a man, you have to be tough.
• You are weak pussy.
• Stop acting like a girl. Only girl’s cry.
• Stop embarrassing yourself. Get a grip!

There is no love, understanding, kindness, or compassion in those statements above. In my professional opinion, it wounds a person. Therefore, a belief can be formed that it is too painful to feel. Too painful to care about another person because all the people you loved hurt you. Too painful to fall in love again when your partner or spouse rejects you.

To be a man you must have no emotions. Yet, that is a lie. A lie to yourself and the world. I know narcissistic people do have emotions. Anger is an emotion. So is rage, anxiety, fear, hate, trust, acceptance, and joy. I have seen and felt the love a narcissist parent has for their newborn. Not all narcissistic people are bad or dangerous. I feel that they are just misunderstood and labeled. In my opinion, the worst thing to say to a narcissist is that they are narcissist. There are better ways to communicate without going down the path of blame, shame, guilt, or judgment. Why? Well, a narcissist person has experienced blame, shame, guilt, and judgment from the people they cared for the most. Nobody wants more negative re-enforcement or to be placed inside a box labeled…you are a not good enough, you’re broken or damaged goods.

75% of all narcissistic people are men. 25% are women.

I have heard that a narcissist cannot change and will not change. This is not true. I have worked with a few that were willing to change. Change takes courage. You must be brave in order to allow yourself to become vulnerable. And you must feel safe with the person you are communicating with. You must be brave to speak your truth when it comes to your painful past. As a narcissist, you have to be open to listening how one’s behaviors and actions impact another person. When it comes to open communication, we all need to feel safe to express all emotions without projection or blame.

The best qualities I have witnessed in a narcissist is trust and loyalty. A narcissist does not give it. You must earn it. When they have your trust, you just might see a different side of them.

Some people have thick skin and others do not. I believe why a narcissist is attracted to an empath is because they do feel more deeply. An empath is connected and the narcissist longs for that connection. They wanted that connection as a child and as a young adult. The narcissist might have learned that they must stuff down their feelings and not care about another person just to survive. If the narcissist did not received empathy from their main caregivers, they might seek it out a sense of belonging by joining a gang or connecting with other wounded people. Either way, the empath makes them feel alive again. The empath accepts them, when others rejected, abandoned, shamed, or betrayed them. The problem is these beautiful empathic people are being traumatized and wounded. The light within them is weaken and it must stop!

When we go out of our parents’ home or home environment, we then can create our outer world. The problem is when we come from a dysfunctional home, we will gravitate and attract people who are like our parents or caregiver because it feels normal. If you came from a home where you were walking on eggshells, that will be normal for you. After all, if you grew up in a dysfunctional world, drama, and chaos will feel normal. Yelling, explosive anger, fighting, beating women, abusing another person, and name calling will be normal.

If we want to create a world of peace, harmony, and cooperation, we need to look inside ourselves. How we parent our children matters. The messages we feed our children matter. Let your actions match your words because it is so confusing for a child when your words do not match your actions.

This book, “The Undetected Narcissist” is here to help change your perspective. To maybe connect the dots to your family trauma that was passed down from generation to generation. BUT it starts with YOU. You can be that living example of CHANGE. It just takes courage, resilience, hope, and a willingness to live a better life for yourself and the future generations.

The Undetected Narcissist can be a road map to detecting and decoding narcissist traits and behaviors. It can be a warning sign for narcissist to stop. It is time to stop hurting people and start finding yourself again. Time to start living, instead of existing. This book is for everyone because I care about you and the future generations.