What is cold rage vs hot rage? What is Hot Rage?
This is the first blog post I created because it seems anger is a huge part of narcissism and unresolved issues that cause domestic violence and even arguments. Hot rage is when your emotions control you. You can start to shake and sweat, your heart rate increases, the volume of your voice increases to display a sense of dominance, and you feel this rush of adrenaline or explosive anger. Some people call it hot anger. You can become impulsive or overly passionate about a subject matter. Your anger around other issues can leak out when you speak to someone with “unresolved” issues. Therefore, you project your anger onto another person because you want or need to fight/argue. The person was just a walking target. That person might be trying to help you, yet your anger consumes you, and you have been waiting for someone to dump your anger upon. I know this too well.
Hot rage or anger can feel overwhelming because it is hard to control. It almost feels like it takes on a life of its own. You can have a public outcry that could turn terribly wrong. Hot rage or anger can cause trauma and frighten another person. You can experience hot rage when an injustice has occurred. Hot rage or anger is a natural and rightful response to re-establishing healthy boundaries. Yet, I have learned that a narcissist loves to push boundaries. They can claim you were on their property, and in fact, you were standing in the street or sidewalk just talking with them. A narcissist will “escalate” the situation if there are unresolved issues because they are like a walking time bomb. They crave drama. It is challenging to have a rational, friendly conversation with a narcissist who is full of unresolved anger issues.
Cold rage or anger is when you can control your emotions. Personally, I know cold fever can be very dangerous. Cold rage or anger is when the person is calculated and dispassionate. That is why a covert narcissist is the most dangerous. They have cold rage. They plot revenge. They are passive-aggressive and will plan their actions. They can stuff down their feelings and act like everything is fine when it is not.
Hot rage or anger tends to get the individual in trouble by their harsh behavior, words, and actions. Cold rage or anger is quiet and harder to detect. Be warned when a person shuts down and has that look in their eyes of rage. They might be plotting their attack when you least expect it.
A new Hulu original movie with Ben Affleck called “Deep Water.” Ben Affleck shows you cold rage and anger. His wife clearly struggles with hot anger and has narcissistic behaviors and actions. It thrills her to trigger her husband’s anger by flaunting her sexual conquests in his face. I highly recommend this suspense thriller because people do not talk about it. We need to talk about it and show everyone how destructive and damaging these behaviors can be.
Most people do not know that anger is stored in the liver. The liver helps process anger. Let me give you an example. You might be asking yourself why mom or gramma is so angry. She used to be so happy and pleasant to be around. What might be happening is her liver doesn’t work well. The liver needs help. You can suggest a liver detox and see what happens.
Healthy Ways to Release Built Up Rage or Anger
- Learn to breathe to regulate your heart rate and slow down your emotions.
- Progressive muscle relaxation can support in releasing the excess adrenaline.
- Visualize yourself in a safe and calming place. I like to visualize the ocean waves slowly rolling in and out. I try to match my breathing to the gentle waves.
- Get moving. Walk it off. Take a breather break. Jump up and down because you have control over your body, not your emotions, in the moment.
- Recognize your triggers. Some people know how to push your buttons. It is best to avoid those people and set healthy boundaries.
- Stop and listen. Do you sound rational? Has your survival brain kicked in? Are you being defensive? Are you scaring some? Has the volume of your voice increased? Is the other person speaking calmly and being supportive, but you are angry?
- Are you projecting your unresolved anger upon another person to have a decent conversation?
- Change your thinking. Try to change your perspective. STOP!!! Ask yourself, before you react, is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is it kind? It would help if you thought before you SPEAK!
- Agree to disagree. Fighting never solves anything. When calmer, you can make healthier decisions.
- Avoid dwelling on the same things. Dwelling and stewing only causes distress and anxiety. It can interfere with your sleep, mental well-being, relationships, and productivity at work.
- If you are a narcissist, ask yourself these questions…Did you gaslight the person? Did you call them crazy? How many times did you gaslight them? Did you spin the truth so you appeared the better person? Did you tell some false truths when the other person was addressing your unresolved issues? Did you play the victim when someone was trying to resolve an issue? Did you undermine them, blame shift, threaten, or project your personal issues upon the other person? And, did the person gaslight you back because they know the games you play?
Cold rage vs hot rage is an emotion that needs to be released in a healthy manner without hurting yourself, personal property, and/or another person. I hope these tips will help. You try my FREE mp3 download for releasing anger in the guided meditation section.