Authentic friends or really disastrous people

I know that I have covered many different aspects of toxic and narcissistic relationships, but I have not really dived deep into friendships. Today, I want to address the difference between authentic friends and really disastrous people. And when I say disastrous people, I mean they are a disaster inside to themselves and everyone around them. We have all met these types of people and hopefully learned some valuable lessons from these various disastrous people because they are miserable inside. Always fearful, angry, prideful, insecure, and believing everyone is out to get them or suddenly take something away from them. They are afraid of being exposed and discovered as feeling insufficient or insecure inside.

What these people really need is to learn how to master the upper rooms. Because just like you and me, they are seeking acceptance. They want to be seen, heard, and understood, even if they seem dysfunctional or unbalanced. Everyone is perfectly imperfect. We all have our own unique quirks, and when we can fully accept another person, we must learn with an open heart to embrace those unusual quirks, even if, at times, it drives someone nuts. The absolute truth is that some are just better at hiding themselves, their quirks, or their true nature from others.

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

So, how do you select or pick your friends? Is it a shared interest or hobby? Does this friend fascinate you, and why? Was the relationship formed out of shared trauma, abuse, loss, heartache, or mutual fears? What is it about your best friend that you admire the most, and do you have those same personality traits within you? If not, would you like to be just as courageous, generous with your heart, confident, outgoing, creative, and loving as the friend you admire, or do you immediately cut yourself down? Are most of your friendships supportive and uplifting, or are there a few friends you keep at arm’s length?

Either way, one must decide why these people we call ‘friends’ are essential to us. Are these friends just pawns to play with and manipulate, or are they genuine, humble, caring, and kind individuals? You must ask yourself this question, “Does this kind and caring individual scare your wounded heart, or do they welcome you into their circle of nurturing support? Can they sit with your pain at your most vulnerable state without criticism, judgment, or belittling comments towards you? What is the test of an open-hearted, true, unconditional friendship?”

How to Master the Upper Room

The good thing about friendships is they can grow into your new family if you do not get the love and support you need from your blood family members. Many people are taught by their parents, society, church, and cultural backgrounds not to be friends with your child. Your child must respect and obey you first. That concept is born out of fear. Fear of not being respected or obeyed. Afraid of what other people will think if you break outside the comfort zone structures that society has built and try something new. Fear that the child will be out of control or if a friendship is formed, the child will take advantage of your good nature and friendship. All this fear of the unknown can limit anyone from having a healthy relationship with themselves, their children, and another person.

I believe in having a healthy, loving, and supportive friendship with my children and family members. I also believe that we can love someone within our family unit but not like them. Just because they are family does not grant them the right or privilege to treat another family member disrespectfully. I know some people say respect must be earned, but I believe everyone, big or small, thin or fat, ugly or attractive, rich or poor…should all be treated with respect initially.

That is what Divine Love would do, so why can’t we do this for each other? Why can’t we treat people the way we want to be treated? Do our own insecurities get in the way, or does that wounded inner child come out and say with a voice of arrogance and bitterness, “Well, I was treated poorly, and I turned out just fine!” All I would say in response is, “Sweetie, you are clearly not fine. Let’s have a chat.”

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

There are four traits in the friendship triangle. The first is reliability, the second is listening and being 100% non-judgmental, the third is authenticity, and the fourth is trustworthy. So, let me give you an example of what I mean about friendship and forming your own family.

Today, surprisingly, I spoke with my son’s old disability support worker. He left employment here and went to work for another family because it paid more money. Like most people, they follow the money instead of listening to the intuitive hits of guidance from above. He knew the job seemed too good to be accurate, and the turnover was extremely high. He thought he nailed it because he was just about to hit the 90-day pay raise cycle. Then, he got blindsided and let go. Unfortunately, his current employer knew how to play the system to avoid paying him benefits or an increase in pay. This explains the high turnover rate.

The Upper Room

What struck me the most profoundly was his wisdom to no longer play the victim when we spoke over the phone. He was able to be neutral (250) about it. Then, he was able to grab onto hope (310) and forgiveness (350), instead of ALLOWING the experience to drag him down into despair (50), regret (75), anxiety and fear (100), or anger (150). He could hold his ground and self-worth.

They had no complaints when he asked the agency why she was letting him go. The parent said he was friendly and did an excellent job; she did not like his vibe. Well, most people with lower energy thought patterns and vibrations do not like the vibe of content, happy, caring, accepting, and cooperative person. And trust me, it took a lot of work to get this person to embrace and embody all those beautiful traits and perspectives. I was so proud of him when I heard him share his story.

When I shared my joy for him, he commented that his oldest best friend recently shared that he was a cynical, judgmental, arrogant, angry, and hostile person. Now, he is an entirely new person, and he thanked me for the wisdom I have shared with him over the years. He even said, “You have become family to me. I can talk to you about anything, and you fully embrace me as I am.”

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

This is why Master the Upper Rooms and Divine Love are so vital to me. I want everyone to one day have the ability to sit with someone or even walk past them and be the presence and essence of a kind, caring, genuine, loving human being. A smile can brighten a person’s day. Eye contact and even a welcoming gesture can warm a heart or save a life because that day, this person you never spoke with was planning to take their life. No words were spoken, yet the other person felt seen and accepted even though they looked like hell, and all you gave them was a warm, welcoming smile. That small act of kindness deeply impacted this person’s life and world.

Modern text channeling

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

I want to give another example from my book, Affirming and Focusing on Living a Better Life, Chapter Four, Example One: “Before I became self-employed, I was in the wine business. At the time, I was managing several sales reps for the states of Oregon and Washington. One of my sales reps became good friends with me. I knew that she tried to help out her best friend from high school by letting her rent a room inside her house, but things were not going well. One afternoon, she called me. Frantically, she told me her story about how things have gotten really ugly between them.

She asked her to move out, but she refused. She went to the police, and because she paid rent, she could stay until the end of the month. My friend/coworker begged me to come over and be the peacekeeper. She said, “Kerie, you’re so good at talking to people. I really need your help here.”

I took a deep breath and said, ” Theresa Ray, I am about to go into a meeting, but I can tell you what you can do. You have to TRUST (250) me on this.

Her response was, “What can I do?”

I replied, “I want you to sit down, close your eyes, and send her love.”

Theresa Ray laughed and said, “What? I hate her right now!”

I responded, “I know, but she will not hear you with all your hate thrown into her face. You can do this (me trying to raise her up to courage). Just remember the love you had in your heart for her when you were best friends. You have known her for over 30 years. Connect to that feeling of love. When you can connect to that feeling of love, imagine her before you. Have a conversation with her in your mind. Tell her that you’re sorry. Ask to make amends. Tell her you still love her.”

Theresa Ray was silent. I could tell she was thinking it over. About one minute later, she said, “You have taught me so much, Kerie, and I will try it, even if it sounds crazy.”

I smiled and said, Good. I believe in you, Theresa Ray. You can do this.”

About an hour later, after my meeting, Theresa Ray phoned. She was so excited. She said, “Oh my God, Kerie. It worked. You were right. She came to the door and was nice. Then, she told me that she wanted to pick up her stuff. She was sorry that things did not work out, and she still wanted to be friends. We actually hugged and cried. It was amazing!”

Channeling Divine Love

This is what Mastering the Upper Rooms is all about. Raising one’s awareness to a higher level and aligning with it. I also discovered this gem within the same book. “According to the Institute of HeartMath Research Center, the heart is more powerful than the brain. The heart is about 100,000 times stronger electrically and up to 5,000 times stronger magnetically than the brain. So, when you think about it logically, the heart should always come first when dealing with anything that matters to you.”

Then I wrote this below, “During the writing of this book, I got a clear understanding of what has protected me and guided me through the darkness my entire life. Since our thoughts are an invisible force of energy, it can either cause harm or empower all of us. We can use our thoughts for good or evil. When we unite as a community or group, our thoughts can empower each other.

When we think hateful thoughts about another person, we energetically will feel it, and it will cause harm to that person. Yet, if that person you so hate is focused upon love, light, kindness, happiness, and striving to live a better life, then your hatred for them cannot penetrate their goodness. That is why God says to love your enemies. When you love your enemy, they cannot harm you. They have no power over you! The force that lives within you is strong and you can draw upon that force to support you. That is why prayer and affirming and focusing have been so powerful for me personally. I believe that is why Tammy could not destroy me and cripple me.”

So, let’s consider why you are listening to this podcast or reading this blog post. I am assuming that you have experienced someone that is toxic or narcissistic. You are seeking answers and need a positive solution. Plus, you have so many choices with various degrees of advice from numerous experts.

The real question to ask yourself within your heart is which one feeds fearful, worrisome, and anxiety-driven suggestions or advice, and which ones are teaching me why this person came into my life and how can I become a better person from that messed up encounter with someone toxic or narcissistic? Would I rather fear this person and hate them for the rest of my life, or would I one day like to finally like to evict this person who has been living rent-free in my mind? It is all about a choice. Because I know your pain, and I have found a way to heal and free myself from a lifetime of unhappiness.

So, ask yourself these questions: Can people leave their life history at home or in the trash and just be free? Free with your self-expression, open-heart, and intuitive hits? And when we get those intuitive hits, can we act upon the guidance we receive? Some people do, and others do not. But I have learned that when someone does not listen to that intuitive guidance, they regret it.

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

So, let me give you an example of what I mean. Let’s say you are disappointed with your close friend and their recent choices. Will you speak to this person from a place of neutrality and trust (250), or will you speak to them from a place of disappointment (125). Can you put yourself in their shoes when they are extremely vulnerable and fragile? Do you have sympathy or pity? And what if that inner guidance told you, “Be gentle and kind. This is a difficult time for them.”

Or will you challenge that inner guidance and get angry? Personalize it and say to yourself, “Well, I was never given a break at my lowest point. I was still insulted, beaten, and kicked down to the point that I hated myself. Why should I give them a free pass? I never got one. I am going to give them tough love instead. That will make their fragile skin thicker.”

Can you relate? Do you feel shame (20), regret (75), guilt (30), or did the whole topic shut you down that you are currently angry at me for bringing up this topic? Then there are some people who realize that my intention is NOT for you to beat yourself up. My intention is for everyone to learn, grow, evolve, and become the best version of themselves for themselves and humanity.

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

You see, friendship is like teamwork. We can have a healthy, functional, or dysfunctional team. There are five components. Imagine a triangle or mountain. You stand at the mountain’s base, ready to take a journey with this new friend or teammate.

The bottom foundation of any group of people coming together to create or join as a team must first develop TRUST in one another. Why? Well, you must trust (250) that everyone involved will be respectful, accepting, and vulnerable and each other supports their needs, strengths, competence, and character. When there is no TRUST, everyone will feel that absence of trust and withdrawal (100). People are afraid (100) to become vulnerable because they will expect and anticipate insults and belittling comments. They will not allow themselves to become vulnerable when someone feels threatened.

The second level up from the bottom of the triangle or journey up the mountain is CONFLICT. As a team or in a friendship, can one be open-hearted (500), have candid dialogue without judgment, and give guidance through constructive conflict, embracing different opinions and points of view, which is acceptance (350)? Or does fear cloud your heart and prevent you from speaking up or being able to listen? Do the wounds from your life history come out and stop all progress forward, or does it keep one avoiding conflict, not discussing the real issues, dancing around the elephant in the room, or pretending to be harmonious when inside that person is really struggling or uncomfortable with their emotions and thoughts? This is deep stuff.

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

The third level up is commitment. How committed are you to this friendship or teamwork project? Once one can get past the conflict and differences, the magic happens. One can make decisions that include everyone instead of creating separation. The commitment is for the greater good of the whole team, not just a few individuals. All these choices and thought patterns come from a higher state of emotional intelligence. When there is no commitment, one is not involving people in the decision-making, and they are not granted the opportunity to say ‘yes’. Instead, they are being told silently or directly no. No, you are not welcome or essential; you don’t matter, and you are unworthy of being a part of my team. Can you see the difference?

The fourth level is accountability. Does everyone have an essential role in this teamwork adventure? Is there a positive initiative, and do people feel joy and happiness with their responsible roles? This is all about acceptance (350), cooperation, optimism, and harmony (310). Can one say I am sorry or accept responsibility? Or is there fighting, and people are not held accountable? If someone makes an error in judgment, not a mistake, how does the team or friend respond? Do people get stuck in blame-shifting, gas-lighting, or projecting? Is the friendship or team now polarized because some individuals will no longer take action or accountability, discover a solution, or present a positive initiative to reach the mountain’s peak? Where does one stand on this journey up the mountain, or are people left behind?

The final fifth level is results. If your friendship or team goals work out, the whole team achieves their goals. Everyone feels closer to one another instead of disconnected. When the friendship or team achieves its goal, is one person or one person’s department labeled the winner? And when I say winner, teamwork is not a game played in separation. Instead, does one witness another person taking all the credit? Does one witness one feeding their ego and arrogant pride (175), pretending that they did all the work and the other team players are all losers as the egotistical one says to themselves, “They would be nothing without my help.”

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

And let’s be transparent here: I have not seen much respect for another person being taught to the newer generations. It is all about the SELF, which is separation instead of ONENESS. I have mainly seen or heard fault-finding, blame-shifting, created or manifested drama, attention-seeking behaviors, and self-absorption from various individuals within the younger generations. Look at social media. Everyone wants to become famous or an influencer. They want to be accepted, embraced, seen, heard, and taken seriously.

The truth is, all these behaviors and actions are coming from a place of FORCE instead of POWER. Force because, at times, a friend can suggest a really stupid dare, and the other person gets hurt either physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally. So, the real question would be, “How well do you really know this person you call your friend?”

master the upper rooms

Master the Upper Rooms with Authentic Friends or Really Disastrous People

Next, I want to explore what SEL means. When it comes to friendships, I feel everyone should know about SEL. SEL is Social and Emotional Learning. SEL is broken down into five categories.

  1. Self-Management: One can manage one’s emotions and behaviors to achieve one’s goals.
  2. Self-Awareness: One can recognize one’s emotions, values, strengths, and weaknesses.
  3. Responsible Decision-Making: Making ethical, constructive choices about personal and professional relationships.
  4. Relationship Skills: Able to form positive relationships, work in as a team player, and can deal effectively with relationship conflicts.
  5. Social-Awareness: Showing understanding and empathy for others.

So, let’s look within ourselves and ask ourselves these questions because we do have a friendship/relationship with ourselves. This is the perfect time to get your journal to explore, grow, evolve, and learn more about yourself.

  1. Self-Management: Looking within, how do you manage your emotions and behaviors? What do you do? Some people can cry to complete the stress cycle. Others can get angry, start a fight to release their emotional frustration. Some dive into addictive behaviors. What is your relationship with yourself when it comes to self-management? What would you like to change within yourself?
  2. Self-awareness: Do you feel safe to explore your emotions, or do your emotions scare you? Are you afraid or frightened by your intense emotions?
  3. Responsible decision-making: Are your decision-making choices scattered throughout the day? Do you find that you have more destructive, snap judgment decisions or more calm, collective, grounded, and neutral decision-making choices?
  4. Relationship Skills: Is it easy to be a team player, or is it a struggle? How do you deal effectively with conflict or do you cave in to the other person’s demands of you?
  5. Social-Awareness: Is it easy for you to show yourself understanding and empathy, or do you rip yourself a new one each time you make a minor judgment in error?
master the upper rooms

Do you treat yourself worse than you would a friend? The sad truth is most people do. We place such high standards on ourselves, and this is a learned behavior we were taught at such a young age. One could have witnessed their parents calling themselves stupid or failures. Others could have seen or heard their grandparents insulting your parents as if they were just one big disappointment. Then there are times when no words are needed because just the look in someone’s eyes tell us that we are not good enough or they don’t matter.

That is why this topic is so important. How we treat ourselves does impact how we treat another person. Because when we slip from our rational, creative, logical cortex brain into our lizard, survival brain, one can discover those flaws within ourselves. And let’s be even more transparent here. Those flaws are perfectly imperfect. They just need one’s attention because they are screaming for attention when that six-year-old child comes out and in reality, the person is really in their 40’s or 50s’. Its time to start paying attention to those wounded parts of us and allow a healing to occur, instead of ignoring it.

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

So, what is your relationship with yourself? Do you hate the sight of your body, that one ear that sticks out, the mole on your neck, your nose that appears to be too long or big, or the words that just seem to fly out of your mouth when you get angry? Do you like or hate yourself? Why I ask these questions is today, I was listening to an audiobook by Caroline Myss titled, Invisible Acts of Power – Channeling Grace in Your Everyday Life. She said that God helps those who help themselves.

That statement really spoke to me because what it means to me is that when we learn to love ourselves as much as God loves us, God is there to support you along this challenging journey to master one’s life choices and to become one with God. Because in the eyes of God, your nose is perfect, that mole was perfectly placed upon your body, one can learn over time to make peace with their physical imperfections and stop being so judgmental and critical of oneself. And yes, one can learn to hold their tongue when they know deep down inside what wants to be released will only be unkind words because this person has not healed that angry wounded child within themselves.

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

So, when it comes to friendships ask yourself these questions and write them down in your journal.

  1. Can you be counted on when it comes to a friendship or do you count yourself out before even offering to help a friend out?
  2. Do people think of you as a helpful person or do they think you are unapproachable?
  3. Have you ever put limits on how much you are willing to help someone and if so, where do those limits come from? Are the limits based on wisdom and life experience or do they come from fear, jealousy, bitterness, or obligation?
  4. Do you feel obligated to give back when someone does something nice for you?
  5. In the past, have you noticed that you feel uncomfortable receiving positive praise? Do you shrug it off or dismiss it? Can you say thank you and respond with a positive praise in return?

A lot of self-exploration can shine a light on where you are at vibrationally and emotionally. Are you living and stuck in fear or are you thriving and living in a place of oneness? If one is stuck living in a place of fear, then one day this person must learn to embrace and discover a relationship, or friendship with courage.

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

Now I have two last topics to discuss today. The first one is I want to share a story about friendship. My son has a few friends at school. He wants to invite this one young man over to the house. Being who I am, I asked my son about this person. I discovered that this young man is quiet, not very outgoing, had a challenging childhood with his father, and struggles with opposite defiance disorder. Did discovering these things about this person make me immediately go into panic or fear mode? Nope. I was curious. I wanted to know what his triggers are and what would make him feel welcome and accepted within my household.

When I brought up this new friend to a therapist friend, she cringed. She remarked, “You want to invite that sort of child into your home?” This was her immediate fears and judgements. My response was, yes. Just because he currently struggles with ODD, does not mean that I should fear this person. I am sure he already feels bad enough about himself. I do not need to make him think or feel worse about himself. That is why I want to speak with his parents. I want to get a feel for the parents, the home he lives in, does he have siblings, or is he in therapy. I just want to know how I can support this young man, instead of immediately discrediting his existence.

Can you see the difference? Some people ask me, why I am still friends with some people that are narcissistic. Why do you tolerate them, some have asked. I always reply back, “Would you rather have a few narcissistic friends who respect you within your evolving friendship circle or have them be your enemy?”

The only difference is that I do not see them as scary evil individuals. Therefore, I see them as wounded little children and my heart goes out to them. We created these people and if don’t like them, we should stop creating them.

The difference is I can set healthy boundaries, I can speak my truth without being cruel, threatening, triggering, or unkind. I can offer them a hand when they are struggling because I do help those that want help. The one’s that do not, I let them be. And honestly, these narcissistic people respect that quality. I am not here to make them feel bad about themselves or to demand they change. I am here to make this world a better place one person at a time. This is what a generous heart looks like when one can Master the Upper Rooms. This is what Divine Love has called me to teach within this blog post and podcast series.

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

So lastly, let’s briefly breakdown really disastrous people. You know these people and so do I. They are disastrous because it is all they know how to be. Nobody in their past has come to them with an open-heart, and sat with them at their worst point and just talked without judgment, criticism, anger, or contempt. And if someone did, the disastrous person was not ready to listen and take action. For example, I did not have to work with the narcissistic gentleman that could kill me within seconds.

At first, he did not understand why I wanted to work with him, but he did listen to that intuitive guidance within him. He felt and sensed I was different, and the keyword is felt and sensed. He energetically could feel that I knew what he was, but I was not afraid. I had no desire to manipulate him like most people around him. I spoke to him differently and made him feel comfortable, instead of uncomfortable. Think of the toxic and narcissistic people you know. Are you immediately putting up invisible walls of protection, ready to play gray rock, or expecting the worst from this person? If you are, you will get what you expect most of the time. Why not try something different like Theresa Ray. I mean I was teaching this stuff before I was even about it before I became a therapist.

Authentic friends or really disastrous people

Therefore, I hope you will think today about the topic, ‘Authentic friends or really disastrous people’. Afterall, when I left my disastrous covert narcissist, I was pretty disastrous myself. I was stuck in anger, fear, disappointment, blame, anxiety, and even wished he would fall off the face of this Earth. I am sure all of you at some point might of thought some pretty evil and destructive thoughts about another person. Yet, he was put on this Earth for an important reason. He inspired this work and teachings. And if his life lesson, as painful as it had been supported me in assisting humanity in achieving ascension, then so be it.

To support everyone and anyone struggling with a toxic friend or disastrous person, I am creating a meditation to go along with the subject matters we discussed today. It is designed to support anyone who is stuck in the lower vibrational destructive thought patterns and to find within themselves a sense of relief. Remember that your situation is only temporary and relief can be discovered today.

Next week, we will be discussing sex. It should be interesting, and yes, I was guided to discuss this topic because it will hit close to home for many of us. Like always, take care, and thank you for sharing this time with me today.

In love and light ~ Angela Myer

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