In this podcast, I am interviewing Kim Holman and Meg Judge. I realize the only way human’s can break the abuse cycle is to change how we parent our children. Before I begin this interview, let me explain my logic around how to break multigenerational abuse.
How to break multigenerational abuse
The image I found is perfect. If your father told his son that he was stupid, when that son grows up, he would most likely repeat the same parenting patterns. Men There has to be a parent that says, “No more generational abuse!” Because we are all perfectly imperfect and hard on ourselves. Therefore, instead of saying you are not good enough, we should tell our children we are proud and love them.
I recall working with an elementary school teacher. She told me that when a teacher has to say one negative thing to a child in the classroom, we are being taught that we must say ten positive things about that child for the rest of the day. Why?
Because children do not have coping skills like adults since their cortex brain has not fully developed. We want kids to have health self-esteem and to believe in themselves. This is how we can break multigenerational abuse. The change starts with us and how we treat and speak to one another.
I like to do research and discovered this facinating information on parenting in America Today: A survey report 2023. This comes from pewresearch.org.
“Roughly as many parents say they are trying to raise their children in a similar way to how they were raised (43%) as say they are trying to raise them differently (44%). Fathers are more likely to say they are raising their children in a similar way to how they were raised (47%) than to say they are raising them differently (40%). In turn, 48% of mothers say they are trying to raise their children differently from how they were raised, while 40% say they are trying to raise them in a similar way.
There are also differences along racial, ethnic, and income lines. About half (49%) of White parents say they are raising their children in a similar way to how they were raised, compared with 42% of Black parents, 37% of Asian parents and 32% of Hispanic parents. And while 51% of parents with upper incomes say they are trying to raise their children similarly to how they were raised, smaller shares of those with middle (46%) and lower (35%) incomes say the same.”
Everyone can experience generational trauma, and every one is unique. If you are a parent, you know there are times when we must parent each child differently. Especially if that other child/sibling has social anxiety, depression, fears, phobia, or autism. If parents are not taught different parent approaches, positive parenting communication skills, or how to set healthy boundaries, that parent can struggle. And let’s be honest here, all parents struggle with parenting. Parenting is hard work.
The problem is when that parent struggles, their window of tolerance can get paper thin. Instead of calmly responding, they can take the child’s distress behaviors personally and react in anger or frustration. The parent slipped from the rational, problem-solving brain into the lizard/survival brain. From there, it becomes an automatic pilot, and trauma can occur by accident.
Let me give you a good example of trauma. If you have listened to my podcasts before, I told a story about parts therapy. The boy who decorated the house early for Christmas and the parents punished him. His parents never tried to “repair” the connection, apologized, compromised, or sat the boy down to communicate.
This child, who was whole inside, split. As a result of this unintentional trauma that his parents were unaware of, this boy became two fragmented parts of himself. A trauma part that now hates Christmas and will ruin it for everyone, even his children. The other part knew it was wrong once the boy became a man. His generational trauma around Christmas bleeds into his ability to raise his children positively. That is why this man needed parts therapy. To repair the damage from the generational traditions of Christmas.
LIVE online course each week on Monday.
Dates: September 18, 25 Oct 2,9,16,23
Each weekly lesson (one per week) is 2.5 hours, 6-8:30 pm PDT
Live online up to 50 people.
Join us for a 6-week LIVE, interactive online masterclass to break down the patterns you were raised with and look at how they affect your interactions with people, specifically the children in your life.
This masterclass is multigenerational. It is relevant to anyone who desires to unpack their experiences and belief systems in order to strengthen relationship with:
- Adult children
This is for you if you’re:
- Trying many things and they’re not working
- Desire to parent with more compassion
- Interested in why you react the way you do
- Losing yourself in parenting
- Wanting more resources
Live Course includes:
- Downloadable meditation
- Handouts for each lesson
- Tools for navigating every-day parenting and self-regulation
Limited to 50 people for this LIVE online event
Starts September 18, 2023
Mondays 6-8:30 pm
for 6 weeks.
Our Key Intentions:
- Offer tools to parent with self-awareness
- Treat people with grace and love
- Build community through learning and understanding
Week 1 – Parenting Belief Systems, Styles and Methods
Week 2 – Anatomy of the Human (mental, emotional, spiritual)
Week 3 – Intro to Trauma
Week 4 – Listening – to yourself and others
Week 5 – Communication techniques
Week 6 – Balance and Wellness
Social Media Links:
Website: Parenting Empowerment Master Class
FREE Resources: Parenting Empowerment Mini Class
How to break multigenerational abuse
As we all move into the future, each generation is begining to realize how we all must learn how to break multigenerational abuse. It starts with how we parent.