Ruthless Evil Delivered You’ll Now Comprehend

When people hear the word ‘EVIL,’ one can expect or anticipate the worst possible scenario. Movies and television shows portray evil people all the time. Therefore, when someone says the word evil, one expects another person to be the evil one instead of looking within themselves. Therefore, I have been guided to tread lightly on this subject matter of ruthless evil delivered you’ll now comprehend. This blog post and podcast will not be what the average person expects. Like everyone else, I thought I would discuss evil people, but Divine Love and Tobias had another plan. So here we go.

Evil is the second to lowest set point of human consciousness. Evil aligns with guilt, blame, vindictive thoughts and behaviors, and destruction. And when I say destruction, I mean destruction to another person or oneself. All of us have a shadow side. The shadow side lives within those lower frequencies of thought patterns, behaviors, and emotions. People can hate themselves and their lives when they reside within the shadows. They experience constant stress, anxiety, worry, self-doubt, and fear that control their life choices. It is a miserable place of just existing and not truly living.

toxic people

This self-destruction turns into self-sabotage. So today, we will explore how deeply embedded or rooted these various forms of self-sabotaging behaviors, thought patterns, and actions we do to ourselves and others.

Master the Upper Room

There is a painting Akiane recently did titled Within. I know God speaks to both of us. The image means that we all must go within our inner world. We need to become naked and innocent again. Exploring and facing our shadow. You can see the shadow in the upper corner, and she is smiling at it. She no longer fears her shadow side; she has embraced and made peace with it. She wrote, “What we are searching for is always WITHIN.” The most recent book by Paul Selig is called The Book of Innocence. The guides that speak to Paul want all humans to go within themselves to create a whole new world. It is time, they say!

Ruthless Evil Delivered You'll Now Comprehend

Ruthless Evil Delivered You’ll Now Comprehend

Since this is a podcast about narcissistic and toxic people, let’s examine these types of individuals. They live within the shadows. Some sneak around pretending to be nice guys or good girls when, in reality, they are so deeply wounded by their childhood past. They are portraying and pretending to be someone they are not because nobody has taught them how to be a genuinely good person. Let’s be transparent here: they had terrible role models growing up. Their family mostly likely had generations and generations of other family members living within the shadows who experienced trauma and abuse.

The truth is all humans want to be loved and accepted. These types of people want to win someone’s heart and to be loved, but they never experience unconditional love. Love to them was cruel, angry, bitter, dishonest, untrustworthy, and painful. They have survived various forms of abuse, yet they are torn. Expecting this new person to be the answer to their prayers, which could have been you. Then, like all cycles of pattern, their prayers are destroyed. Their wounded shadow self comes out in full force, and you are to blame. It is all your fault, instead of looking inside at why the most minor thing triggered this enormous outburst of anger, resentment, and evil, vindictive behaviors.

shadow self

The cycle keeps repeating itself. Shadow won again, and now one repeats the pattern of feeling sorry for oneself instead of exploring those self-destructive triggers, behaviors, and habit patterns. This person lives in the shadows because this is all they have ever known. So, when they meet a bright and shiny person, unconsciously, this person will self-sabotage the blossoming relationship. Testing this person to see if their words match their actions. Projecting their insecurities upon this person and pointing out their flaws and imperfections. When in reality, it is just a mirror reflection they are not willing to look into or face.

For example, many toxic or narcissistic people like to drink to excess. Drinking to excess is a form of self-sabotage, and it is destructive. The toxic or narcissistic person knows consciously that they should not be drinking to excess, but they can’t stop themselves. Escape behaviors turn into habits and routines.

Then, when these people live in the shadows, their shadow side can and will come out full force with all its anger, hatred, disgust, and shame once the booze takes hold of them. The most minor thing or comment can trigger that shadow side, just eager and hungry for a fight. Soon, they will mirror or project their pain upon another person. Gutting them like a fish with their words. Wasting them in return and leaving them to bleed. Sounds pretty evil, right? It is.

master the upper rooms

Then, these people wake up the following day with a hangover. Immediately, they beat themselves up. They will be angry at themselves. They were disappointed because they consciously knew that they drank too much and made a choice to get stupid drunk. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

When this happens day after day, this type of person will get angry pretty quickly. Hurt people hurt people. They will start an argument or disagreement or insult another person to feel some sense of power or control. Other times, they will think or feel as if they are a better person and the person they cut into is stupid, careless, and insignificant. They are above you. Then, they wonder why people do not like to be around them.

This evil shadow within them is struggling and hurting inside, but it does not know how to ask for help or is afraid to change. Why? Maybe they were fed garbage that going to therapy means you are messed up in the head. Seeing a head shrink means one is confirming that they are damaged goods or broken inside. When, in fact, therapy is EXACTLY what these people need.

Ruthless Evil Delivered You'll Now Comprehend

Ruthless Evil Delivered You’ll Now Comprehend

The best way to describe what I do with clients comes from my husband. He says, “You shine a spotlight onto and into a person’s soul. It goes straight to the heart of the issue without the unnecessary human filters of judgment, shame, blame, and fear.” I am being called to do this today with this subject matter. I must get to the heart of the matter and speak the plain truth because everyone on this planet sabotages themselves, consciously and unconsciously; this includes myself.

Now, let’s dive deeper into alcohol addiction. What if you come from a culture or family that has a history of excessive drinking? Let’s look at the Hispanic culture. They love to party and celebrate. It is challenging to throw a party without alcohol. When one mixes alcohol with passionate hotheads, the shadow side will eventually come out. Someone will wound their fragile ego, and people will get into arguments. Soon, fists are flying, and their words turn into weapons designed to cut deep and fast. Things could escalate out of control when property is destroyed, guns are pulled out, and people end up wounded or dead. Everyone is back in the Wild West, repeating the same old patterns from generations before.

God speaks

The only way one can break this cycle of generational trauma and abuse is to go inside oneself. I will tell you that I have worked with several clients who have shared this same story repeatedly. Having a temper and drinking alcohol never mix well. They know what they are doing is wrong, and they feel stuck. Admitting is embarrassing and humiliating, but they can’t stop themselves from repeating the ingrained, rooted subconscious habit patterns and behaviors. It is evil and self-destructive.

Some people don’t know what to do or who to ask for support or guidance. People can be taught that asking for help can be a sign of weakness, especially for men. For example, my husband will spend an hour wandering around the hardware store looking for his purchase item. He refuses to talk to customer service or an employee. He will leave the store without talking to an employee if he can’t find it. To me, this is madness and a form of self-sabotage. When I am in the hardware store with him, I say, “Screw it! I have better things to do with my life and time.” I immediately ask for help.

Does this mean I am weak and stupid? No. I am intelligent because I have better things to do with my time. I want to enjoy my weekend and play in the sun. The same goes for asking for directions. Most men refuse to ask for directions. Why? It all boils down to how one thinks and feels about oneself. If the input one received growing up made them believe, and the keyword is BELIEVE, that asking for help shows you are weak or incompetent, then this person will do their best to prove to everyone around them that they are NOT weak. I know it sounds crazy, but we see these false beliefs controlling and sabotaging another person.

Ruthless Evil Delivered You'll Now Comprehend

Ruthless Evil Delivered You’ll Now Comprehend

Then, when some have tried going outside their comfort zone bubble and seeking support and guidance, most people can get advice from the wrong person. A person who is also stuck in the shadows as well. Someone stuck in the shadows will go directly to blame. Blaming another person instead of accepting responsibility for their own destructive behaviors. Not willing to look into the mirror. And when one is unwilling to look inside the mirror, they will still stay stuck. Recycle and repeat. That friend will say, “You’re fine, bro. It’s all her fault. Let’s go have a beer and drown our sorrows.”

So, to feel better, they drown their sorrows in a bottle of booze. Instead of finding a positive solution, they feel worse about themselves. Helpless, trapped, and stuck because now they wake up again… with another hangover, and their love interest has left them. Nobody likes to feel this way. So, they are home feeling sorry for themselves again, lonely, and hating life. Again, this person can say enough is enough and jump up to courage. Yet that angry or fearful voice within them will drag them back into the shadows. “It’s all her fault. She is the reason why you feel so miserable! Let’s drink to celebrate that you no longer need to deal with her crap. Let’s escape reality.”, the voice of anger says. Again, recycle and repeat. It is a vicious cycle of self-sabotage.

Several authors have written books about our emotional patterns and how they impact the body. The book The Secret Language of Your Body, Emotional Patterns, Heal Your Body, and Feelings Buried Alive Never Die lists emotional and bodily conditions and the probable causes. So, I am being guided to give everyone an example of my own.

the upper room

When I was with my last and final narcissistic partner, he said something to me that cut me so deeply. He was drunk, and it was intended to make me feel worthless, unloved, ugly, and used. That one comment gave me fibroid cysts. The doctor wanted to cut them out of me. I said, No. I am going to look within myself and heal myself. The doctor thought I was joking, but I was not. I did heal myself.

First, I had to realize that I created this condition within myself. I had to accept the responsibility that I took his evil comment personally. Personally is the keyword. I could have allowed his hateful words to roll off my back like water on a duck’s back. Yet I did not. I grabbed onto that evil comment and watered it several times a day. Stewing over his contempt for me. Soon, I was in pain and had to see the doctor.

The probable cause or emotional thought patterns for a fibroid cyst are holding on to hurts and regrets from the past. Secretly wanting revenge. Feeling disempowered and victimized. Forced into things you do not want to do. Nursing disappointment and failure from the past.

The repeated patterns I would continually find myself in with other toxic or narcissistic individuals is being criticized for my endeavor, and I would stuff down my reactions instead of standing up for myself and speaking my truth. How many women do this? Many women are conditioned and taught from their life experiences, culture, and society to stuff it down. Don’t be a bitch or other insulting words that cut deep and sharp. Plus, when someone lives in a toxic home environment, they quickly learn not to speak their truth. When one does, one can get spanked, slapped, beaten, punished, grounded, or other forms of cruel punishment. One learns to survive the harsh elements and rigid expectations.

Ruthless Evil Delivered You'll Now Comprehend

Master the Upper Room

So, here is what I did. Edgar Cayce Castor Oil compresses since I did not want someone to cut into my body with an actual knife. Going within, I talked to my body each time I had the compress on my body with a heating pad. I apologized; I sent the cells love and healing energy. Asking my body to forgive me. Within 30 days, my body could dissolve the cysts. When I went to the doctor, and they did an ultrasound of my reproductive area, the cysts were gone.

Now, when someone tries to cut me with their words, I know I have a choice. If the comment stings and cuts me, I must look within myself. I ask myself, is it true or just a projection? When someone is gaslighting me, how am I gaslighting myself? What am I not willing to shine a spotlight on? And if it does not sting, I no longer take the comments personally. I will pray for this person or let it roll off my back. This skill is so much easier when human thought patterns about themselves exist in the light above 200 instead of within the shadows below.

go within to stop self sabotage

Let’s explore more hidden self-sabotaging behaviors. I work with one person who has a really toxic family. His family is all about greed vs. your heart’s desires. When it comes to work, you follow the money. That will buy you happiness. Yet every time he follows the money, he is miserable. He ends up hating the job, and when he speaks his truth about how toxic and unhealthy the work environment is within the company, he gets fired.

So, when he spoke to his grandfather for advice about new career opportunities, instead of hearing supportive advice, he got, “Oh, you going to keep this one this time?”. Yes, there was an undertone of disgust, shame, and humiliation. His grandfather did not intentionally mean to say it in such a tone of voice, but that one remark took him from 310 to 20. He went from optimism into shame and humiliation within seconds.

I know his comment seemed harmless, but this person heard: you are a failure, you are not good enough to hold down a job, you are going to put your foot in your mouth again and ruin it. Keep the good-paying job and shut your mouth. Who cares if you hate yourself, your job, or your life?

stop sabotaging yourself

So, he decided to speak to his mother, another person that is somewhat toxic. She took it upon herself to make him a list of all his previous jobs. She pointed out all his failures and made him feel worse about himself instead of finding a positive solution to his problems. That is when he decided to talk to me.

And don’t get me wrong. I am not giving these toxic people a free-get-of-jail card. I hear and feel their pain. It is not my place to judge them. They are miserable inside. A good person does not grab the knife and turn it in deeper with blame, shame, guilt, and grief. A good person patiently sits with them. Is compassionate, understanding, honest, supportive, and optimistic. This good person wants to lift them up instead of taking them down a notch or two. And that is precisely what this young man’s family did to him.

Before this man had his session with me, he had been stuck on this hamster wheel for years. Repeating the same toxic cycle over and over again. I listen to guidance and feedback on what I hear, see, and get. Within 10 minutes, we went from a casual warm cup of coffee to the vast ocean. I took deep within himself and made him face the truth because he was stuck in this ruthless, evil cycle of self-destruction. So, let’s unpack this so everyone can understand what I do and how I do it because I desire everyone to become the best version of themselves instead of being stuck in those lower vibrational thought patterns of fear, anxiety, self-doubt, judgment, and hatred. He was the only person responsible for the hole he found himself in.

Ruthless Evil Delivered You'll Now Comprehend

First, I knew this person was standing at the crossroads of his life. He hates himself, his life choices, and his current situation. He could go down the path of repeating the same old generational trauma around the subject matter of success and money. His family was highly toxic. Spoon-feeding him toxic advice and keeping him stuck in the lower vibrational mindset. Making him feel shame, self-doubt, a failure, not good enough, and not worthy of having to find a job he would one day love. He was stuck in fear and anxiety and was extremely stressed out about his future.

When he thought about what his heart desired, he would hear that fearful voice inside him saying, “Don’t be ungrateful. You are not good enough to hold onto or keep a good-paying job.” Then he heard another voice within him, his higher self. This voice said to him, “I know my potential. I am afraid of change. You have been struggling for years. One doesn’t need all this superficial stuff to feel fulfilled in life. You have been miserable trying to impress people. You must shift your focus from greed to what your heart desires.” This was the voice of truth, understanding, reason, and compassion.

master the upper rooms

In the beginning, he complained about his mountain of debt. He had to get a job that paid his a lot of money to pay off his $20K credit card bills. Within a matter of minutes, we realized that he was living a life of luxury and was very wealthy. He was unwilling to accept that he created this mountain of debt until he came to see me. Over time, he just had the bad habit of trying to impress people that he was important, influential, and wealthy.

He had a horrible shopping addiction, and he was always in debt because he loved to escape reality. Seeking immediate gratification and approval. He spent thousands of dollars yearly on concerts, season passes to sporting events, and traveling several times a year. I told him, “You could save $10,000 annually if you cut out the concerts, sporting events, and numerous vacations. For example, that Yeti cooler you bought. You could have a regular cooler for half the price. You only go camping once a year. Stop trying to impress everyone.”

You should have seen his face. The smile on his face. It was like Bingo! He responded, “More like $12K to $15K a year.” When he went within himself, he stated that the excitement was more appealing than actually attending the events or being on vacation. Each time, he was unhappy and felt empty inside. The crazy thing is that he would post all these events and travels on social media, smiling to the camera when he was miserable inside. After talking to me, he knew he needed to go within himself and had to stop self-sabotaging his life and future happiness.

master the upper room

When he looked inside himself, he realized his family’s generational patterns were all about money and success. Greed vs. what your heart desires. Nobody had a job they loved. Everyone struggled with money. Some even knew how to abuse the system, meaning welfare.

He also realized his mother’s self-sabotaging behaviors transferred onto him. Her traumatic experiences became his traumatic experiences when it came to employment. He said it was Happy Meals every day growing up until I was eight years old. Then suddenly, the next day, it was going to the food bank. She could never manage her money. His mother could never hold down a job and was not nurturing. Plus, his father was never around.

This man discovered that he had a poor mindset, which was his mom’s mindset. He just placed that label upon himself, and I explained that it was a false belief. He spent thousands of dollars on superficial stuff that never filled that hole within him. When you are happy and content with life, one does not need all that superficial, materialistic stuff.

I told him to get the most out of his unemployment benefits. Find a job that he will love and be happy at. Yes, he had the debt still. Yet, he could find a job that paid a little less and still survive if he stopped the shopping addiction and luxury adventures.

When I showed him the image of Master the Upper Rooms, he wanted so badly to learn it and become it. All he had to do was stay in a state of self-empowerment and courage. Become neutral with what is and stop beating himself up. Trust everything will work out, and be satisfied with what you have. Then, forgive yourself and accept that things will change in time. Get advice from people who no longer live within the shadows. Discover people that will inspire you to master your life choices. Seek long-term results over short-term gratification. And most importantly, stop trying to impress people. Give yourself first what you seek from another person. So, he asked me to be his accountability coach, and I agreed.

So, I know how it feels to be stuck in the shadows. When I met my narcissistic partner, I went from being a happy, shiny light into someone who was stuck in the shadows, living in fear. Fear of the narcissist and other toxic people. I could have stayed there. Miserable inside and angry with the world. I could have blamed everyone and everything, but blame did not solve my problems. I had to look inside myself and learn why I kept sabotaging my happiness and love life. Why do I keep picking these men?

I had to make a choice. Do I stay single and forget men, or does my heart still long to be loved by a good man? I was forced to look within myself, and it made me cry. It all made sense. There was generational trauma on both sides of my family tree going way, way back. The messages I heard, unconsciously believed, and held within me were frightening. I realized a lot of my mom’s trauma from her lifetime was transferred over to me. Her fears became my fears. Just witnessing her abusive marriage and relationships over the years unconsciously taught me how to avoid love by staying within the shadows.

Sometimes, a parent who lives in the shadows will project their inner child wounds upon their child. And this parent doesn’t even have to say a word. Just their body language, eye rolls, laughter, actions, and behavior can tell a different story.

circle of self sabotage

So, I realized when I looked within myself that the messages I received about being a woman were distorted. The messages about myself were, “You’re a woman. You can’t do it. I am better than you. You will always be a disappointment because you are a woman. Men have the final say. Your opinion does matter.” All these hateful messages came from my family members. Men and women. Stories from their life experiences. I had to make a choice. Do I allow their stories to become mine?

This is when I stopped and asked myself this question. How do I want to think and feel about myself? Do I want to believe someone else’s story and life experience? Do I want to continue to mirror what my mother thinks about her life and her mother’s life? This is my life! So, I decided to jump up from anger and into self-empowerment and courage. Those two align at 200.

So here’s the scary, evil, ruthless truth. When we go within and face these demons that live inside us all, we are healing your whole family tree’s generational trauma. It starts with you. You can be the one to break that cycle of abuse. I know you can.

self sabotage

So, yes. I was healing everyone’s past traumas as well as my own. We can hold up to seven generations of trauma within our DNA. That’s pretty scary! So, I looked even more profound. I needed to heal every layer of trauma around the subject of relationships, friendships, marriage, and love. Even still, to this day, I am self-analyzing myself. I tell my therapist all the time what I discovered new about myself. Digging up another gem that’s covered in mud and dirt. The dirt represents every negative thought pattern that blocks us from shining like a diamond in the sunlight.

Once I did the work, I discovered things within myself that I had never realized because I was on autopilot. At times, stuck in a limiting belief. And each time, I was kind to myself instead of hating myself. I had to discover why I kept choosing, not picking, the wrong partner repeatedly. I got my heart broken every time and thought it was them, not me. In reality, it was both of us, not just one-sided. I was attracted to narcissistic people. It was hard not to love being loved bombed. I came from a trauma-bonded family, and I found myself in trauma-bonding relationships. It had to stop! Every family member I looked into within my family tree was narcissistic from generational blood to the next. My great-grandfather, great-grandmother, grandfather, father, and son’s father.

Ruthless Evil Delivered You'll Now Comprehend

That is WHY this work I do is so important to me. I wish I had met someone like me when I was in high school. My life would be completely different. My family tree was filled with ruthless, evil people who hated life and themselves. Choose greed and lust over love. Sabotaging marriage after marriage with heartache and abuse. None of them looked within themselves. So, all the ruthless evil abuse got handed down from one generation to the next.

I want everyone to learn how to master the upper rooms. Life is so much sweeter and more rewarding when one can align with being content at 250. That is just one step above courage. If I can do it, you can do it too. You owe it to yourself and everyone around you.

Ruthless Evil Delivered You'll Now Comprehend

There is one last thing I am being guided to address. When we are born, nobody is born to hate another person. There is no racism, discrimination, judgment, or the need to humiliate another person. All these lower vibrational thought patterns and behaviors are taught to us by another person. We are taught at a young age to fear different people instead of being taught to love one another. So, we must go within and reprogram our thought patterns and beliefs. We must become innocent again. Removing that mud and dirt someone else dumped on top of our shiny diamond-like souls.

I have been guided to make a recording with positive affirmations for the bonus material. This will support anyone beating themselves up or stuck in self-pity. I want everyone to rise above those negative feelings and thought patterns. Next time, we will be discussing trust and trust issues. It should be a good one.

Thank you for reading or listening to Ruthless Evil Delivered You’ll Now Comprehend.

In light and love,

Angela Myer

Newsletter

Make sure you don't miss anything!