Breakthrough Trust Issues That Will Make A Positive Impact

When working on trust issues, we first consider the people who have broken our trust. Most therapists will focus on those other individuals, but some dive into the deep end. Realizing there is something hidden within the shadows. Those shadows hold the keys to our inner suffering. Eventually, the therapist will make a client stop and look within themselves. I had to do this with myself because I would soon be in a very uncomfortable situation and would need to trust a particular person 100%. It is not a question of whether they can do it without error, but more like whether I can allow myself to relax and have faith when this person has broken my trust. It can be pretty scary to be put in a situation where one must have blind faith. So today, I will be unpacking breakthrough trust issues that will positively impact one’s life.

the upper room paul selig

Breakthrough Trust Issues That Will Make A Positive Impact

So, I am being guided to share my experience, which some of you might comprehend or can relate to. People have admired my sense of independence. Others have found it intimidating because some men want a strong and independent woman, but at the same time, they can find it threatening, as if I don’t need a man. Some men like helpless women, but that’s not me.

I could have pretended to be a weak, incompetent, and helpless woman. This means the man is above you, and you care for him. This is a trap many women were taught from generation to generation by other females. Yet, this was the only way some women could survive back then.

When I dived deeper within myself about trust issues, I realized I was repeating a generational pattern on my mother’s side of the family. It went three generations back, or that’s as far back as I could. The root causes were abandonment, rejection, shame, and guilt. So, I will share with everyone what I discovered in an EMDR session.

Breakthrough Trust Issues That Will Make A Positive Impact

EMDR is a wonderful tool for allowing hidden memories to bubble to the surface. One starts with a recent memory of broken trust and how that made you feel. The starting place for me was this one person who would be taking care of me after a major surgery. I had to go back to that memory and view it from an outside perspective. How did this memory make me feel? Why was this memory so essential and what hidden gems can I uncover?

Soon, the memory shifts into another memory deeper down into the rabbit hole and eventually another until I get to the root. When I got to the root, I was a little girl. I was holding a box of animal cookies at the train station, and my mother was leaving me. Recalling the time, she was hallow and dead inside. Almost lifeless and extremely vulnerable. She was leaving me with the man who almost killed her, and I witnessed that crime. I did not want her to leave me, but she was so broken inside. She was leaving because of me. This is what the four-year-old within me believed.

Children take things personally since a child does not have the coping skills of an adult. They will think it is their fault when, most likely, it is not. What my little inner child did not realize at the time was she was trying to protect me from her abuser. She caught him abusing me, and she tried to stop him. Instead, she almost died. Imagine how that must feel for her. Trapped, lost, and helpless within her marriage. Her parents would not help her because their parents never helped them. Some might call it tough love being passed down from generation to generation. So, the family secrets just got locked in a closet.

trust issues

And let’s be honest here. Couples in the 1940s up to the 80s did not go to marriage counseling or therapy. Some would go to the church, but the church would try to convenience you to stay with your abuser. Marriage is hard work, and it is. Yet, people back in those days did not know a lot about PTSD, trauma, trauma-bonding relationships, and attachment styles. Since there was no support, she took a spiritual approach and went to a retreat camp to work on her current situation.

It is uncomfortable to confess this, but she abandoned me for ten months instead of finding someone else to care for me. I know what our family’s opinion was about divorce or marriage drama. Divorce was forbidden because it would inform the world that the person getting the divorce was a failure. My grandparents did not want to care for a child if the mother did not return. What would the neighbors or church members think? So, they gave my mom tough love and hoped things would work themselves out in the end.

generational trauma

Breakthrough Trust Issues That Will Make A Positive Impact

When this memory surfaced, my breathing changed. My body became tense and rigid. I started to swallow more deeply. My eyes found it challenging to follow the light bar. I knew I had found the root of why it is hard for me to trust people after that trust has been broken. My wounded inner child comes out and tries to dominate the primary personality. She feels very vulnerable and afraid. Questioning if she can or should trust this person again.

Everyone makes mistakes, and this person has not done anything close to what my inner child experienced growing up. Therefore, she will project all her vulnerability and insecurities onto this other person trying to support her when, deep down inside, she created this belief that nobody can take care of me. Only I can trust myself. This is a false belief, yet it was valid when it was created. Does this sound familiar to any of you?

Because this little girl had learned to grow up too quickly, I took on the role of parent when my mother returned home. This pattern went on for years and the majority of my life. I saw both perspectives once I could look at my life growing up and how I became so independent. Some patterns were good, and some were destructive.

So, I put myself as an adult in the memory with my wounded little self and my mother. I picked up the little girl and comforted her. In my mind, I started talking to her. I showed her my life timeline because she was trapped in this memory. When I could tell she realized we were not a child anymore but an adult, I invited her to join the primary personality. I told her I loved her and no longer wanted her to be isolated and alone.

Then I comforted my mother. I thanked her for trying to protect me. I hugged her and said I was sorry. Sorry that she married someone who did not know how to love her the way she deserved to be loved. This is the approach I used within my mind. I love you, and I am sorry. Please forgive me, and thank you. I took this approach because it can be extremely powerful during the healing process for myself, my inner child, and my mother. A part of me knew that I was parenting myself in this scenario.

broken trust

Realizing how women in my family tree gravitated and married narcissistic men. It was like a cycle and repeated generation after generation. We tend to gravitate to what is familiar. Therefore, history does repeat itself. Because back then, people did not talk about mental health, narcissism, and domestic violence. We say that we don’t want to be like our parents, but sometimes we do end up like them. We end up like them because we do not discuss it and go within ourselves to repair the generational trauma.

Therefore, we find ourselves stuck in the same unhealthy relationships, addictive behaviors, anger at the world, stuck in a dead-end job, and trapped. Thank God people talk about their feelings now. All those feeling stuffed down with no place to go. No wonder many people are angry and pretend everything is fine when it is not.

Then, when I dived deeper into myself, I realized that a lot of it had to do with a woman speaking her truth and standing up for herself. These women were tired of stuffing down their feelings and needed to release them in a healthy manner without getting beaten, shamed, put in a mental hospital, or medicated. That is why I have created a safe space within my mind to heal my relationship with my mother and wounded inner child. To break this cycle because now it is acceptable to discuss our feelings, thoughts, and emotions. I just needed to show them my life journey and where I stand today. No longer stuck in the past, but in how the past was impacting my present and future life.

Several generations ago, women in my family tree were trapped and stuck. They had to keep quiet to survive. Quiet and silent with all these emotions, thoughts, and feelings. These women in my family tree would be labeled by their families, society, and church as being hysterical, defiant wives, or crazy if they spoke up. Once labeled and shunned by the ones they love, people will soon do their best to avoid communicating with these women. These women were no longer living. They exist in a world that wants to ignore or lock them away.

Breakthrough Trust Issues That Will Make A Positive Impact

Master the Upper Rooms

So, here is an excellent example of why I wanted to work on my trust issues. Since I am so independent, it is challenging for me to ask for help. If I can do it, I will. Knowing that I would need this person’s support after my surgery, I started to use my voice. This person asked me to do this. So, one day, I started to ask for more support around the house. Then this happened. After my tenth request, this person said, “You are pretty needy and demanding today.” This was a projection. They are projections of what they were taught growing up or comments they heard their father say to their mother.

A woman who asks for help over a certain number of times will be considered demanding and needy. Or maybe it was my tone of voice. I don’t know. I know that projection comment triggered my inner child’s vulnerable side. Then my shadow side came out. The angry part of me refuses to be silent or labeled. Different voices were going on inside my head.

First was the shadow voice. She was angry and wanted to lash out at this person. The second voice was the voice of reason – my higher self. It reminded me that I do need this person’s help. It suggested that I sit down with this person and explain how that comment made me feel and how I did not appreciate it. Because I know the angry shadow voice would have created conflict and might have made things much more challenging for both of us.

master the upper rooms

The Upper Room

I could be like my mom and grandmother, stuffing those feelings down and then stewing over the hurtful statement. Yet, knowing this person, it was a harmless statement. Do I take this seed and water it, or let it go? Therefore, I decided to let it go because they had never heard me make so many requests for assistance before. I realized their opinion of seeing and hearing a woman asking for help based on their life experiences was not positive. I knew that I had to do EMDR and use the tools of open-hearted communication. So, I had to take the sandwich approach. The bread is the positive, and the middle fixings are the issues.

I am a therapist and have an extensive background in various trauma-healing approaches. I have used some of them with my clients as well as myself.

Not all therapists are trained or aware of these various tools. So, be kind if you are seeing a therapist or looking for one. There are always new tools professionals are discovering to support people in releasing layers of trauma stored within everyone’s DNA. Here is the list:

  1. IFS – Internal Family Systems
  2. EMDR
  3. NLP (parts therapy and timeline)
  4. Hypnotherapy
  5. Family Constellations Therapy
  6. Chris Duncan Recode
  7. Bodywork
  8. Shamanic Journey
  9. Dowsing
  10. Logosynthesis
  11. Meditation
  12. Guided Imagery
  13. Empath Spiritual Advisor

Since we live in this modern world of the internet and accessible information, several YouTube videos, podcasts, audiobooks, and books can provide a deeper look inside each healing modality. That is why when I did the podcast and blog post about learning how to detect a narcissist, I wanted to teach people to see what I see. Movies and mini-series are great tools. You can pause it, rewind, and watch it again. Learning to visually spot the patterns of gaslighting, projection, blindsided, baiting, and much more. I created a list of keywords to support people in memorizing these words so that they will no longer get triggered or take them personally when they catch someone doing these behaviors. You will know what is happening instead of staying in the dark.

the upper room

For example, my therapist recommended a show on Netflix for me to watch. All the other therapists in her office talked about it, but they did not know what form of therapy was displayed in this mini-series, Anotherself. If you watch the show, they are working on generational trauma. This form of therapy is called Family Constellations Therapy. It is not done one-on-one but within a group. It is incredible stuff. A client I recently saw this week talked about it Family Constellations. She had a few sessions and loved it! So, why are these forms of therapy unique?

Well, this leads me to discuss another show on Netflix. Yes, I will discuss the show Love is Blind again. This season six was my favorite because it showed people doing things I discussed in my blog posts and podcasts. One man realized he needed therapy. After all, he fears that he will end up like his father. A man who cheats on a good woman and that good woman does not deserve that form of treatment. I saw his divorced parents talking about their son and how their marriage wounded him. They both did not want this for their son. Watching his parents communicate was inspiring. People are ready to step out of the shadows and face their demons.

This woman he wants to marry is confused since he is not ready to marry her. She must have thought, “He loves me but will not marry me in my wedding gown. Why do I keep picking these men? I give so much of myself and help these men heal in some way, but they do not marry me. What is wrong with me? “

Breakthrough Trust Issues That Will Make A Positive Impact

This was the perfect example of what generational trauma can look like. It is a pattern that keeps showing up repeatedly, keeping one stuck and confused. She should go within and ask questions. Talk to her mom and grandmother. Discovering if she is repeating the same patterns as them. She appears confused, yet she does see a pattern. I have a feeling if she goes to therapy that, she will discover a pattern passed down from generation to generation. Good women fix men, and then they leave. Maybe there is a history of strong women who are attracted to project men.

The real test will be if he fixes himself independently and returns to her. Is she willing to wait for him? And the way it seemed in the end, that was his true intention: to get help. Can she trust and have blind faith that he is different? Can this time be different, or will the past cloud her present judgment?

Yet, she may now reject him. Putting him in a box with all those other failed past relationships. Not willing to give him a second chance. If this happens, it means she is unwilling to go within herself because it is much easier to blame. The truth is, neither of them are to blame. This man realizes that his father was not a healthy role model regarding marriage and fidelity. The problem is that she is stuck in a generational pattern. A pattern that was created long before she was ever conceived.

I hope she goes within herself and realizes she did find a man who loves her, and he wants to be a better man because of her and for her. In some way, I pray she does give this man a second chance because it is not every day that a man decides he must seek therapy to allow himself to give love and receive love unconditionally. I just Googled this. Only 12% of men go to therapy. Ladies, hand this man an award!

Breakthrough Trust Issues That Will Make A Positive Impact

The next, the couple was painful to watch. When a woman gets mad about a man saying she is clingy, when in reality she is being clingy, it never ends well. Her shadow side and all her wounds came out full force. I observed her each time starting an argument, not him. Then she spins it around, saying he started it. I saw her projecting her insecurities upon this man she loved. Flipping it around and NOT taking responsibility for her behavior and insecurities. Observing her getting more upset each time, he tried to reason with her. She has trust issues.

It must have been so confusing for him because he truly loved her. He had a secure attachment style. When it came to making that choice to walk down the aisle, he said no. I would have said the same thing. She played so many games with this man to PROVE that he unconditionally loved her and eventually had enough. It was sad because all her wounds were displayed to the world, yet she couldn’t see them. Her wounds are too deep. Maybe she skimmed the surface in therapy, but it was obvious that she was still struggling inside.

She claimed to have worked on herself, but whoever was her therapist never helped her repair her attachment style from anxious to secure. Plus, maybe her therapist did not know about attachment styles. So, both of them are still in the dark – her therapist and this lovely woman. So, the pattern repeats itself. Constantly feeling jealous and insecure. Doubting his love and commitment. Testing him and pushing him over the edge. Then he had enough. A perfect display of unintentional, unconscious auto-pilot self-sabotage.

I have not seen the final reunion, but it will be interesting to watch. Will she realize what she did wrong and make amends, or will she blame him for everything? Smearing him in front of the camera and the world. Either way, this woman eventually will be forced to go within if she wants to have a healthy relationship with her next partner and herself. Yes, she could find a man who worships her, but eventually, the mind games and insecurities pile up. The relationship is doomed to fail.

Breakthrough Trust Issues That Will Make A Positive Impact

Then, the final couple that ended things before facing the alter ties into my next subject matter for the next segment. The next topic I will be discussing is self-entitlement. When someone begins to go within and face their shadow side, they might face a roadblock at 175. These human conscious thought patterns, actions, and behaviors align with pride, demand, indifference, scorn, and self-entitlement.

Yes, this woman has done work on herself, but her inner bitch came out full force. I know I used a bad word, but that bad word can also be a strong and powerful word. Every woman has an inner bitch, and she has two different voices. One voice lives above 200, and the other lives below it. The voice that lives in the light aligns with self-empowerment, reason, acceptance, optimism, and understanding. She is strong and powerful yet gentle and direct. Men find this voice a lot more threatening. This is the voice to listen to instead of the second voice. The second voice lives within the lower vibrational thought patterns of resentment, bitterness, anger, vindictiveness, shame, and blame. She feels weak and powerless. Therefore, she will use manipulation and force to feel some sense of control.

Even this woman’s mother did not like her daughter’s self-sabotaging words, actions, and behaviors in front of the camera. Her daughter was so focused on ‘You owe me this,’ and you must act and behave in this matter if you love me. Demand after demand. When he could not meet her expectations or demands, she felt wounded. For example, when he would not allow her to overstep his boundaries and throw away all his Hawaiian shirts, she became bitter, loud, increasingly demanding, and offensive.

The inner wounded self bubbled to the surface, and her unhealed self-sabotaging behaviors wanted to fight back when he would not submit. There were no apologies from her because, in her mind, she was right and he was wrong. Very black and white. No compromising, reasoning, understanding, open-hearted communication, or compassion. Just the energetic vibe that you hurt me, and I am done with you.

Then, she did her best to turn everyone else against him. This is a childish act, not an act of I love you. She could rise above it instead of closing her heart down. There was an opportunity to show kindness and to be gracious because things did not work out. Instead, she chose to destroy him. Chose is the keyword. She was stuck in self-entitlement, thinking he owed her something. Well, here is the devasting truth. NOBODY OWES YOU ANYTHING!!!

Yes, it would be nice if everyone aimed to become a decent, good human being. Not everyone does or believes it is possible. That is why nobody owes us anything. We want kindness, but not everyone is kind. Some desire to be forgiven, yet some are not ready to forgive or be forgiven.

Master the Upper Rooms is about mastering the levels of human consciousness by raising one’s vibrational set point to align with becoming the essence of a decent, good human being. To become a decent, good human being, one must face chaos and challenges in life. Some are from our life experiences, and others are passed down from generation to generation. We owe it to ourselves to change the course of our destiny and the destiny of future generations.

One will realize this truth when one begins to go within oneself and release the painful memories and events in this lifetime and previous generational lifetimes because the most critical relationship everyone has is with themselves. When we are sabotaging ourselves and destroying our future happiness, this is a sign we need to work on ourselves. One must let go of the self-entitlement sword and strive for peace. Peace aligns at 600, and self-entitlement stays stuck at 175.

These two different clinically proven energetic vibrational set points think, act, behave, respond, and make entirely different life choices. One is angry, bitter, resentful, demanding, cold, pessimistic, and judgmental. The other is kind, warm, quiet, listens, patient, loving, compassionate, understanding, forgiving, and optimistic. If you had to think of these two completely different energetic set points as a human being, then who would you want to seek advice and comfort from when you feel vulnerable inside? Who would drag you down or lift you up?

And when we think of someone toxic and narcissistic, they are stuck inside as well. I believe that is why they gravitate towards empathic people. Opposites attract. They want to be healed, accepted, loved, and appreciated. The issue is that they need to heal themselves first, and most do not. And because it is not the empath’s job to fix or heal this wounded person, self-sabotaging behaviors eventually rise to the surface. Destroying all the goodness and the empathic person’s light within.

Therefore, finding our way back home can be challenging. The empath or kind person got kicked down the staircase. Time to climb back up those steps and return to home, where you once lived. So, if one has trust issues, one first must master courage, the ability to release the past, permitting oneself to go within and become neutral about what happened and what one faces in the present moment.

So, next time, I will discuss entitlement in more depth and how to get unstuck. Like always, thank you, and have a wonderful day!

In love and light,

Angela Myer

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